I used to be friends with several ex-boyfriends.
I would hang out with them regularly. I would invite them out on the weekends. I would chat with them on the phone.
One of them eventually became a best friend. My inner circle couldn’t understand how I could continue to include the men I had previously dated in my life. Some of those relationships had been challenging. A couple of those relationships hadn’t ended so well. But somehow after doing plenty of soul searching and licking my wounds, I found the space in my heart to continue to include them in my life, in a new way.
HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?
Contrary to what you may believe, when a relationship ends, you don’t have to become archenemies or strangers with your ex. This concept may be foreign to you. Perhaps you had a relationship that was full of conflict. You could have been abused. Mistreated. The list could go on and on.
I am certainly not condoning ANY sort of mistreatment, abuse, disrespect, or inhumane act that you encountered. I am not going to convince you to remain in a toxic or unhealthy relationship. I definitely don’t want you to bypass the experience you had on a spiritual or emotional level either.
Sometimes the most loving thing we can do for ourselves and for another person is to say goodbye, permanently.
What I want for you post-breakup is to get back to a place of peace and wholeness within yourself.
This process MAY include your ex. Or it may look like letting him or her go for good. Either way, it is perfect because your choice will come from a place of deep love, trust and truth within you.
WHAT WE HAVE LEARNED ABOUT ROMANCE IS MOSTLY UNTRUE
This idea that we have to “hate our ex,” comes from a very outdated belief system. I believe that this idea was etched into our minds long before we even knew what dating was! Think back to when you were a child. You may remember those fairy tales of prince charming and the princess living, “happily ever after.” Those unrealistic storylines set you up for plenty of disappointment and failure in your future partnerships.
Romantic relationships are not about riding off into the sunset with your prince or princess and living a perfect fairy tale life.
It is important to feel loved. Laugh together. Have fun. Be supportive. Etc. But expecting that to occur ALL THE TIME is simply unrealistic.
Romantic partnership is there to foster your personal and spiritual growth. You evolve. You learn. That may occur through the blissful and the not so blissful moments in your partnership. Growing up, I longed to have a fairy tale romance. But after years of constant disappointment I knew I had to shift my perspective.
When I dropped my expectations and attachments around romance there was an immediate shift in how I related to men.
My current partnership is the closest experience I have ever had to a fairy tale. We aren’t riding off into the sunset on a white horse. We certainly have our ups and downs, but I am no longer controlling how it should unfold based on characters in a children’s book or a Hollywood movie. It has made for a far more organic, fluid and enjoyable ride.